It is hard to keep the books from running all together now, as I feel like I am writing 3 books at once..
It is just that I finally understand now why our creation happened like it happened.. I have spent a life time feeling as though no one understands I am a planet and so I think like a planet. I believe in emotions and have an emotional body.. One moment I can be inside the storm feeling as though I am being torn, and the next second I can be the Eagle rising above the storm and have the emotional part separated from me so I can watch from above.
Another minute I can be standing inside a tree, the wind softly blowing through me while I listen to the song my leaves are singing..
In this life, in ‘love’ I always feel like someone wants to build a dam to contain me in (as if I would not fill over their banks anyway, or fence me in (as if I would not just fly away)
The Earth thing so many called Love just did not feel like love should feel to me and so I just made myself to be content to stand as I am in the place where I am and if any man would try to contain me I would fly away, or if he should bore me with a little story when life is so grand and so capable of a full earthen body experience, they could have their little moment, but in the end I would disappear to the place where I felt the excitement within… until at last I arrived at the place where I had to consider that there was no such thing as a perfect love for a girl like me.. I had lost him somewhere and I didn’t know where he was or how to find him, or maybe our missions just weren’t meant to sync. Maybe I had missed my opportunity to feel our love while on this Earth and in this human skin. For whatever reason it just did not feel as though Love had found me worthy of the grand adventure of a Fairy Tale romance story.. and what can a girl do when she is not graced with such a love? She just keeps on keeping on. Keeps on opening the path to fulfill the mission she came to do.. because she knows, in another time, in another space she will get to her Love Story…
Then enters the Kundalini opening.. love pouring out of my heart with no one to reciprocate, and visions pouring in of 2 rainbow twin flames and a million dollar display of fireworks times two, and 2 Eagles rising above the storm..
In the mist of this stand you weeping with a deep longing to find the one who can love you for you.
By now I am deep inside a Kundalini Awakening. It has come up through the base of my spine and I am spinning all the time. I cannot see what I can see any longer for I have entered into a sweet state of bliss in which as I watch whole galaxies are being removed as I am being redefined. And there stand you, weeping for the love you cannot find when the Earth shows me a single picture that one day in a blue filled starry sky you would grab hold of my hand and hold it like I was something to you.
Now I am a leap of faith kind of girl and I do not know why I have been shown such a picture or why the Earth screamed at me, “You must cut off your braid and send it to this boy right now!” But what I did know was that when the Earth tells me to do something I must do it, and I must give honor to the path she has given me to walk.
The rest is a story of discovery with me inside my crazy dance telling you that one day you would love me.. and you out there searching for the love you knew would feel right when it fit you. Inside my crazy dance you were always so gentle. You never made me feel like you were slapping me down or telling me that I could not grow within the place where I was standing, though we kept bouncing together and apart. You would just ask my how I knew that one day we would be together. And in my crazy dance I would say, “I don’t know. She didn’t tell me how to find my way into your heart, she just showed me a picture of you holding my hand. I am completely without a clue as to how to get from point A to point B.” Then your Lion would roar and I would run away.. or we would just face away from each other inside the story.. until the hair from the cut off braid would pop up and tell me to say hello again, your leap of faith girl calling reminding you that one day you were going to love her.. and you were ever gentle true, never trying to push me off of you while my Kundalini was spinning so delightfully as I would dance before you until again I would fade back into the shadows ever watching the happenings in your life. Watching as you tried to reach through the darkness to find the love that fit you.. I would see you getting shattered to pieces over and over again. It seemed that life seemed determined that it was going to beat you up and was not going to allow you to experience the love you sought to find. And every time it would beat you up you would go away to heal (then in would step the Earth and the hair, the hair from the cut braid calling me to once again call out to you)
So I would reappear having already seen that love had once again ripped your heart apart and thrown you away in pieces. You kept so much inside you, never ever talking bad about anyone, never ever dishonoring the woman who rejected you or the ones who were beating you up. You just kept your fire sacred and true to the love you had for the Earth, for the Trees, for those who could no speak for themselves..
4 years later we have come to the part where the seed of our love has begun to grow. And here stand you making your reveal to me….
And now I can see why 5 years ago the Earth made it clear that you were the love that I needed, and I was the love that you needed… I realize now she was saying, “he is the love that you need and you are the love they need.”
As a Two Spirit One your medicine is so so different than any I have known (in this life) You are sacred amongst our people, medicine for them. It is so clear to me how unique your medicine is for it challenges a person to see and think outside the box..
This last time we came together I saw you as a girl standing there.. and then when she hugged that tree that was all it took for me to give her my heart too.. so I go to my people and make my declaration of love for a woman.. then what do you do but send me a prayer as a man who is praying for the Earth.. (what can I do but share?) You are medicine for the people..
In the dream from 2000 when you came to me as a woman who I dance with.. In that dream the song that was playing was “That don’t impress me much”… but honestly, now, I am so impressed..
The other day I had an Earthen moment. Something undefined happened that I thought was happening for another reason and I got swept up into the storm of my own emotions.. while you were being swept up by the emotions of a prayer you were joining for the Earth..
Inside that storm I said so many things to you… like crazy talk from before that did not the prayer that you were involved in. Finally 2 Eagles came to me and told me to pull us above the storm, just like in the vision when I came out of Walmarts after I met you..
So I do as they say and set my wings to dance with you above the storm…
The next day you tell me how you had become exhausted after doing a meditation with some other people for the Earth..
Then I closed my eyes and as I watched our 2 Eagles dancing above the clouds they went into this spiral – helixing upward they went, their energy transforming 8 times until they emerged as one out of the top radiantly beautiful as one blue angel…
I tried to draw a quick picture because I did not want to loose this moment, this vision… I am thinking I need bigger paper now to express myself….. and today it is clear that what the Earth was saying when she sent me on a journey to love you was that you were the love I needed… and I was the love you needed too….
This picture is not as brilliant as it looked when I saw us as 2 Eagles flying above the storm.. then we just kind of went into this spiral up, more like 8 circles and burst forth as One into a Brilliant blue light Angel… with our light radiating our from up
I have written more books on line than I can remember now. It is my belief that this is the Native American Way.. My words are Medicine for those who need it along their path and we don’t sell our Medicine, that is what I believe, so that is how I walk. There are those others think differently and I am okay with that.. the first one was called Journey to the Edge of the Precipice.. Most of them are about my Twin Flame Journey.. Another was called “the Prayer” I wrote it as a former husband was dumping me beside the road after 10 years of marriage. He was a cruel man, abusive, set on breaking peoples spirits to get his way. He threw me out of his life after I no longer spent all my time being his pedestal girl (arm candy). Got up from that thinking, “I need to re-write my life” so I did it in a series of poems of how the perfect love would feel when it came my way. I put it between 2 ballerina slippers and called it “the Prayer” Another book I wrote on line was called “Sacred Journeys” It was my prayer song for my people (Indigenous Nations) to rise again.. Another was called “Thunderstruck” It was a series of poems to the Thunder Nation..
After something like 22 chapters on Transcendence, love letters to my Twin Flame, I realized I have come to a new book… Sacred Bear has been really active this Winters Sleep, speaking to me and guiding me. He showed up and told me that my Twin Flame was all over my writings from my past (during my dark days when I didn’t know if I would ever be reunited with my Twin Flame in this life.) And of course, the writings were the Book of Dreams, the journal I faithfully wrote out. So I am trying to figure out a name for the book.. With each book I feel like I am being given new eyes with which to view the world around me.
Cha Chee To Wah, the Rite of Passage Dream
I was dreaming that in the mail I received my renewal sticker for my vehicle and in it there was 2 pictures of me. One was the picture from when I was 17… and the other was a picture 11 years later when I was 28, in which I was sitting on the balcony high above everyone. They were both rather sensual picture, and made me feel like whoever sent the renewal sticker had been watching me for along time. Off in the distance I could see a man smiling with glee as if he was the one who sent me the pictures.
With this I became quite alarmed and the dream split into 2 dreams. In one I walked over to the couch, turned on the TV and found a horror movie was playing on TV. In the second one I was the girl in the movie only it was really happening to me. I had gone into the forest to hide from the man who was apparently stalking me and had taken the memory of my ex junkie boyfriend with me. The me watching the movie saw him fall on an ax and get back up with it sticking out of his head. So the me living the movie called out a warning for him to stay away from that spot, but it was too late. He fell on the ax and when he got up the ax was sticking out of his head so I went to him and pulled it out. He seemed to be in a daze and I was feeling very frightened because of the pictures I had received from the man who seemed to be watching me.
The part of me that was watching the movie was thinking I needed to get up and turn off the TV while the part of me that was living the movie was helping my ex into the ditch so I could hide myself as I was feeling quite frightened by the man who had sent me the pictures.
As I was doing this, an old woman and a young sappling appeared. She was an Ancient One, large and dressed in a gray streaked dress. I instantly recognized her as a Tree I had once hugged and felt relieved to see her. I ran to her and hugged her while trying to explain to her that I was being chased by a man I didn’t know who was watching me while I was not looking. I was shaking in fear as I stood there.
As she hugged me she began to tell me that all was not as it was appearing in my dream. She said that the dream was about me and my Chacheetowah, that this was my Rite of Passage that I had to pass through to get to the place where I was meant to be. She told me that I was interpreting it, and (apparently,) my whole life wrong. That no one was trying to kill me as I always seemed to interpret the happenings in my life that way. She told me that I had come to Earth as a part of my chacheetowah, my Rite of Passage. She held out her arm and pointed down a path the looked gray and bleak as I walked down it. At the end of the path there was a place for me that felt like Home, only it was veiled and I could not see inside. All I knew was that when I got there it would feel like I was home.
About this time I heard a motorcycle coming. I was still in fear mode so I ran back over and threw myself back into the ditch with the memory of my ex, who still had the ax in his head. I was certain the guy on the motorcycle was the one who coming to kill me, and that when he arrived I would be slain by him. As he got to me I could see that he was a long haired dark skinned man. He smiled at me really big, as if glad to see me, but I was still in fear mode and threw myself back into the ditch. Then he began to circle around as to make another pass at me..
As he drove past the Ancient Tree I could see her still standing there looking at me. I looked to her and asked again, “So you are saying this in not about someone trying to kill me, that I am interpreting this, and my whole life all wrong?” And she said, “Yes, this is your Rite of Passage. This is the journey you accepted to take for your ChaCheToWah. It is about what you must overcome to get back Home.”
With that I found myself standing in front of my bed of water. I was in a purification mode, cleansing the items around me. In front of me stood an Indian Woman figurine which I began washing her off. The more I cleansed and purified her the more pliable she became until at last she was very humbly down on all 4s with her head bowed down and naked.
Then I heard a loud noise, snap crackle and pop. and Eagles came out of her back. As soon as she had her wings she began to rise to stand up.
Inside the bed of water my ex struggled and as he struggled against what I was doing I could hear a song being sung to him as if they were trying to put the memories of him to sleep.
Yesterday when I wrote out the Snake Dreams (Twin Flames, pre Kundalini Snake dream) I left out a key component. That is the fact that I am now looking at my dreams through the eyes of a girl who found her Twin Flame in the body of a man who is all woman inside.. So in reality I am now in love with the Divine Feminine and I have a girlfriend who feels very soft and feminine. She is completely woman and that changes all the meaning from the dreams before I knew my Twin Flame was embodied in a woman and that I would adore the feeling of her sweet caresses.
My second thought is, “I am a Medicine Woman, how can this be used as Medicine? .. How many people are on a Twin Flame reuniting journey now who haven’t met them yet, but are dreaming them? … and how many Twin Flame Unions involve loving a person of the same sex?” And so I share my journey from the depths of my soul for those that will find it to be Medicine..
The dream I shared yesterday was from the year 2000, 11 years before I physically met my Twin Flame.. and 15 years before I touched his heart and saw a woman looking back at me..
When I was reviewing my dream yesterday I was not looking at it from this angle.. so I wanted to share the parts I left out thinking they were were not pertinent to this Kundalini Twin Flame journey.
In the dream, there was a woman I was hanging out with like we were friends. There were things that she was saying that I felt like were not true so I kept feeling resistant in my dream against the actions of what she was doing. As we were running around we went through a building and a song came on so her and I danced together and it felt good but I still did not feel like I was impressed with what she was saying because the song that was playing was, “That don’t impress me much.” by Shania Twain.
After that me and the girl found ourselves in the rest room and we were talking. As we talked I looked down on the floor and saw a ball of snakes so I jumped up onto the edge of the bath tub. By now I noticed 2 balls of snakes, plus in the bath tub was a ball of baby snakes. I quickly jumped onto the counter and slipped out the door.
Twin Flame, my Sweet Love,
Looking back I am thinking how now it looks like the path was being prepared before me so that I would be able to surrender my love to the Divine Feminine that lives inside you.
I know that in each mission we accept we take on ‘roles’ that fit our profiles, and in this life it seemed that my profile was designed to love a man. The first time I saw you, when I was 12, inside my vision, I saw a man standing there whose smile was so full of love and dancing circles around me he told me how his mission to Earth had been accepted and showed me the place where our journeys were going to touch while we were here. So I set my eyes to find him.
But now, as I see where you are on your mission of removing the walls of prejudice against a breed of people who walk different than others, it now appears that the dream was to prepare me for the path and new role I would take on once our paths came back together.
You see, in my writings from the year 2000, I have already glanced at the next dream and know where I am going to next… and it makes it all make sense..
… I have told you before, and have shouted it from the roof time. It was in the year 2000 that I surrendered to the Earth, surrendered to allowing her to lead me to my destiny, to the mission for which I was sent. It was at that time that I said, “I will follow every instruction you give me, I will go where you lead me to, and do as you ask” … Looking back from 2016 makes these dreams look so different. I am thankful for the recording of the dreams along my path.
Every since I did the exercises to become conscious as I was walking through my dream world I would dream of snakes. At the time I didn’t know what it meant or how to interpret the dreams that involved snakes.. In a dream I found from 11-09-2000 I heard the word Tonga Wah Kee.. Interestingly, in the dream there was a girl I thought was working against me, changing the energy of the words I was speaking was what she was doing when I went into the restroom. There, on the floor was a ball of snakes so I jumped up on the edge of the bath tub where I noticed there were 2 balls of snakes. And in the bathtub there were another ball of baby snakes so I jumped onto the counter and slipped out the door.. I find it interesting now, in looking back to discover that my Kundalini journey has been all about purification through the sacred Kundalini snake and now I can easily see that the path was being prepared before me within the dream.
This is not the only snake dream I had. I remember at least 2 others. One was from the time I decided to face my fear of the dark (in the 1980’s) In one of the dreams there was the appearance of a snake. I liked the snake being around me and did not feel any fear of the snake. The actual dream is faint within my memory. I remember feeling very comfortable with the snake.. then it did this thing where it attached itself to my lower tummy and made a spiral of energy begin to flow out of my tummy (At the time it kind of freaked me out and I quickly shook myself from the dream, but looking back now, the Kundalini spinning in my tummy was wow, a sacred galaxy of fireworks. It was really beautiful.
There was another snake dream in the days of overcoming my fear of the dark (the exercise involved me going into every place that was pitch dark to see what was in the dark)
Down from the house I was living in there was a half circle barn that was used for storing tractors. The doors were usually left open so that when night would descend the light against the silver metal would make the open doorway pitch black. And it would frighten me to worry what was inside that darkness..
I was a moon goddess, even then, traveling out into the night of the full moon to bear my naked breast to my Moon in Leo… even though I lived in the country, it made the darkness of that doorway stand out and I would fear the darkness inside of there. So when I did the exercises to overcome my fear of the darkness, I definitely had to go in there and see what could be seen within that darkness.
What I discovered was there is light inside the darkness. When I would go stand in the darkness long enough it takes on a soft glow. It is like there is this shield of blackness that protects the true secrets that live in the darkness, and by traveling through that protective veil I could see more.
After I faced this room there came the appearance of the Snake. She was quite lovely, a green coiled snake that bounced around with me everywhere I went. She would travel down with me into the darkness of that half moon barn and bounce around me like an affectionate pet. Then one day, there was a movement and she just jumped up and coiled herself around my arm… and took me to the place where I had a life in Egypt..
In my dream this winter, Sacred Bear said to revisit my writings of old, that you would be all over them.. so I pulled out the box, and this is the first one it opened up to…
Nov 15, 2000
Dreamed I had to travel 3 days to get some place. When I get there it was like a huge building. The room we were in was large and comfortable. There were at least 20 people in our room.
I was sitting there watching the people leave. They would go out the door and up some stairs to a shower. As I was watching I saw Madonna taking a shower. After she finished I was trying to figure out where she went when someone said, “You look like her. Here put on this Madonna wig.”
They put it on me and as soon as they put it on my a dark skinned man with long hair appeared. A piece of hair hung down over my eyes. I had this funky hat on also. As the man stood there smiling at me I reached up to move the hair out of my eyes. From then on it seem as though we had connected.
Indian Spirit Man, are you going to fall in love with my Madonna, with the part of me that is wild and free and daring?
((((( PS.. as I was looking though my paperwork I found my astrological reading from back then… Here stand I.. Taurus.. Sun in Taurus… Moon in Leo… how perfect is that?))))
Our lives found this way of connecting in 2011. Now Sacred Bear has told me how you stayed with me in my Dream world as I incarnated into the human body before you.. and he said that every morning you would walk me home and erase my memories of us together..
Way back in the 80’s when I conceived that I wanted to travel with consciousness into my dream world in search of a woman I had met there I had no concept of finding you there. There were instructions I received from books on what had to happen. One of the instructions dealt with the Gate Keepers of the different realms, how the in order to pass with full consciousness into the first realm one must travel all the way through their nightmare to see what it transformed into.. so I did that. For a long time I would enter the nightmare and work my way a little bit further through it until at last the energy of my long standing nightmare transformed into something incredibly beautiful.
After that I was granted access into the various realms of my dream world. One of the instructions were that even in the dream world there were Gate Keepers guarding the gates to other realms, so when passing through the Gate Keepers the dreams also would tend to distort out and appear to be nightmares that one would need to pass all the way through to get to the true heart of that realm. To truly see what was meant to be shown one had to pass all the way through the nightmare.
The dream journey was fabulous as I searched for her, the one who appeared in my dream when I was 11 or 12 years old. It was just so amazing as I would travel to the same place again and again until I could get all the way through.
One day I arrived at a place that when I woke up inside the dream we had just arrived at the Gate Keepers space into another realm. It was not easy to remember this about the Gate Keepers because in the dream news had spread of my arrival and they looked like cops patrolling the area and searching for me, so I spent many of the dreams running away in fear of them until at last I was inside the dream and I remembered that I might be looking at this all wrong and wondered what would happen if I just surrendered to them..
So I came out of my hiding place behind the vehicle, held up my hands and said, “Here I am, I am the one you are looking for.” I was immediately surrounded by the Troupe who grabbed me by each elbow as they told me how long they had been looking for me. They said something about the Man in the High Place had heard that I was coming and had sent them out to find me and they had been searching for me everywhere since they heard I was coming.
They took me to this building in which we had to travel up the stairs to several floor (like to a pent house to the Royal Suite) And the more stairs I walked up the thinner and taller I became until at last it seemed like I was 7 feet tall and thin as a rail and my clothes also changed form (I draw pictures from those dreams of us)
When they open the door to the Royal Suite, it is lavishly decorated like something one might expect from Princess Tamina in the Prince of Persia movie. Where sheer silk blows in the breeze over a bed.
When the man who lives there sees me his eyes light up and he immediately comes to me and explains how as soon as he heard I was coming he had sent his sentries out to pick me up and immediately bring me to him. There was the presence of a woman there. I could see her, hovering, in the room and thought she and he were bonded.
Then he did something I was not expecting. He began making all these movements with his hands until I stood naked in front of him. He put his kisses upon me as he swept me across the room tossing my clothes as he went and laid me naked upon his silken bed where he made wild passionate love to me.. I had to keep wondering who I was to this man of royalty that he immediately thought he should disarm me by removing all my clothes… and who was the woman who hovered near but did not offer an objection within her spirit..