I do not know that I could complete this mission without the Earth guiding my steps and my reactions. The human part of me would react in a way to push any discomfort out of my being, but in this new world I have found myself in the rules are so different here. They call for a higher love than I have experienced in my current human expression.
Butterfly Blue lead me into a place I call the Dark Forest. It it the place inside my Two Spirit where she holds such rage for all that has happened in her world with the constant reminder that she is not like everyone else. From the moment I entered there I got a tummy ache. Then it felt like my head exploded (I am an empath, I think I am walking inside of her now). I have had an Amethyst on my head all weekend because anywhere I tried to focus made me feel overwhelmed.
In the place of this rage, it is without love. Love has no place here. It is the total and complete emotion of protecting oneself from annihilation. It is the Dark forest that has been built upon for all the generations that the Two Spirits have been traveling through the Time of Chaos. The emotional body carries the signature of all the love that they have seen murdered through time, which makes it unsafe to love, all the disrespect that they have been shown because they translate the world through different eyes than most people. It is the place inside where the rage is so strong it makes her tremble. As I looked around there, there was no love for me there. I could be there or I could leave. It did not matter. The only thing that mattered to her was to get through the rage to the other side so she could grow through the experience. Where ever it lead her, that is the place she would go. I could be nothing more than a song bird she once heard singing, or I could be whatever I chose to be. There was no love inside her like we think of love and relationships growing through time..
It was difficult being there, stomach hurting, and my head feeling like it was going to explode (I never have headaches, but I got a headache) ..
Finally I decided I needed to change into something more comfortable for my passage through the Dark Forest, so I transformed into a River Song so that I could watch the energies of the collective Dark Forest from inside the Water Spirit.
We have been walking in silence for 22 days now but we have still been touching in that one place where we meet, even though there are no words spoken out loud, just tiny pictures that dance between us. I was not going to tell her why I changed my name from Destiny loves Lakota to River Song. I was just going to let it go where ever it went. The Earth has already told me that she has bound me to Lakota for her healing, no matter whether we walk inside a relationship or not. (Did I tell you the Earth had me cut off my braid and send it to Lakota in 2011? I did as I was told and the Earth said that she bound me to Lakota because I am a notorious run away when it comes to love.)
So I was not going to tell Lakota why I transformed myself into a River Song.. But then the Butterfly Blue showed up. She danced upon my waters and bid me to say hello to Lakota and tell her why I transformed myself into River Song.. so I did..
After that I was laying in bed, with my Amethyst on my head, drifting in River Songs body when I saw a cloud formation in the sky. It was in the shape of a Tree, and the top of the tree had been swirled to look like a crescent moon, with swirls that came out and disappeared into the blueness of the sky. Behind the trunk of the tree cloud a bright sun, complete with Sun rays reaching out, and evenly dispensed on both sides.. all against a blue sky.
I Dream in Tarot Cards, art by Destiny
My first thought was, I don’t think I can paint that picture out… so I drifted on, and looking into the Dark Forest I saw a Black Tree… bent in a swirl, just like the Cloud… so I drew it out…
This Two Spirit mission is really important.. and sacred.. But I do not think that I could complete it if I was not divinely guided by the Earth to come into this higher love..
It is so easy to get lost in the Ego, thinking it has to go one way or another. The Ego could say well, “You tried and she broke your heart anyway. The Ego would have me to contemplate a thousand excuses to travel on and go someplace else, and if it was up to me I would have left.
But it is the Earth who guides my steps, and she sends animal messengers to tell me what direction she needs me to travel next.
Since this new phase of the journey began 22 days ago, a blue butterfly keeps showing up to guide my journey and tell me what to do..
And 2 days ago, I was driving to work when an Eagle flew over my path. I drove further, and in my sky I beheld a cloud in the shape of an Eagle…
I have come into a New World, into a higher form of love. The Earth holds me and keeps me safe on this journey and keeps Lakota safe too, in this special place that the Earth has made for her healing.. and for the healing of the Two Spirits.
all my love,
a River Song