My Life as a Fairy Tale, she dont do competition dance

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She is just feeling like she needs to just leave, just call forth her ship, get on it and just sail away..   The journey of the last few months just feels like it keeps getting worse and worse and there is no end in sight.  There is no feeling inside of her that it is ever going to be right again.  Everything that is in her worse imagination has popped into her head, from he is still on track but the scare did happen, to the explosion happened and he got propelled into another dimension, to he forgot her and found somebody new,

How she feels does not play into the picture to anyone except herself..  and she knows this, deep down inside of her she knows this.  In  the past she could reach out and call to him and she could see the energy turn and he would move the energy for her.. but now he is gone and she does not know where he is at, and she does not know if it would be allowed for her to still love him, or allowed for her to say she misses their conversations, their play..  and the only way she could conservate with him again was if the worst thing happened, and she would not wish that on him, so maybe now she is just thinking she should have left in the first place.  One would have to know the story to know why she could not bring herself to leave him, but maybe she should have so that he would not have been being twisted by the separation of worlds

This place where they are now is just foreign.  It is like in his head he is gone, and she does not know if he is gone because he is with another dancers in some other realm, or if he is still in the place where he had gone to heal his wounded heart..

It was not like he was going to notice if she left.  It was more like it was probably going to be a big giant relief that he could just be set free and not have to think about her song playing in his mind anymore…

so it didn’t really matter if she sat on the port weeping as she left..  He was not even going to notice that she was gone.. and it would probably feel like a huge weight had been lifted off his heart..

So now she was just going to fly free and sail away…

She guessed she really should just take down his pictures..  There were still up at work, still up in her house….   she should really do that this time for sure…

There was this part of her that felt like for her to do this was going to cut him from her heart..  but it would be better for him in the long run to just have her slip away and be a dream he once had..  she did not do competition…  It made her feel like she was smothering him..  and what if he had left and found somebody new…  everything inside of her said that if it was not in his heart to be with her then setting sail would relieve him of any kind of debt he may have felt her owed her..

And as she was standing at the dock, setting her sails to sale away she wished she could say to him, “I am leaving you because I believe this is the best thing for you.  Because in our whole time together you were always a man with a broken heart, and I cannot heal your broken heart, so I need to let you go because maybe there is someone out there who can heal your broken heart.”

She wished that she know what was the big mystery, why momma made her to walk with him if his heart was not to heal.  She felt like so much of what had happened in the last few months she had made worse because she could not let go of her love for him.

He would never ask her to stay.  It was not his way.  Her love had not healed him..  It was just all a mess that she did not know how to fix..

She wished that she could just look at him and have him tell her what he wanted her to do.  She wished that he would tell her “please don’t go.”   She wished he would give her some reason to stay.. She wished he would asked her to stay,  she wished that he would tell her it would be the worst thing ever if she left him, give her some reason to travel through this place…  or come in search of her when he discovered she was gone..

She did not know where she was going to next..  She would follow the signs and they would lead her to where she was supposed to be..

Season finale…  Book 2, the Friendship Dance..  from My life as a Fairy Tale

2 Responses

  1. “…….not knowing is for me
    the most precious longing of all.
    This is the longing of my heart’s secrets
    and my heart does not tell me everything –
    neither would I wish it to
    for I will know all these things one day
    when I awaken.”

    (from my poem The Longing
    http://inthemothercity.blogspot.nl/2013/02/the-longing.html )

    But dearest sister, do not regret what you can’t fix or heal, for you know so well that the medicine is in the time. In the mean time I’ll dance with you!

  2. I tried 3 times to leave a letter for you here,, in gratitude.. http://inthemothercity.blogspot.nl/2013/05/if-i-had-something-that-was-me-to-give.html but I kept getting a message that I needed to log in to wordpress to do it.. but it gave me no option… so while I may have lost the elaborate words to the song, the heart is the same.. in gratitude….

    Love, Destiny

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