Lolita dream.. 1990

I follow the medicine I am given. Yesterday I found myself in a moment when all of a sudden I became sick, dizzy and wanted to just throw up and run away at the same time. I don’t know the cause, I just overcome by this overwhelming need to run away.. I have a medical job and I had just begun working with a new patient, whose Physician happened to be Dr. Eagle. In the place where signs are given I know that I cannot run away from this journey I have been taken to. I must make my prayers daily for Golden Eagle, for the healing of his heart.

mating ritual

In going through my journal to Journey to the Edge of the Precipice I found myself in a dream from another life in which they called me Lolita..


In a dream, I found myself with my sister. She was taking me so that we could rent a video for the VCR. She had this specific place in mind so we chatted on the way there. (I had forgotten that I asked for this dream or why I was being taken there.)

We walked up to this little dinky video store and went inside. It seemed there was a poor selection in this store, as if, even though there was plenty of space for more videos, I was only being offered 20 or so videos. I looked at all the videos but didn’t see any I thought everyone would enjoy watching.

Then I noticed the video store was connected to a man’s house so I walked through the door into his kitchen. It was in disarray, a really messy kitchen. Yet there was one wall that I was fascinated with. It had shelves with a lot of nick knack’s on it so I walked over to it and began looking at them. There was one that just fascinated me so I picked it up.

At that moment I found myself spiraling through the air and came to inside another person’s body. I was the older daughter of an Italian looking woman. I also had a child of my own with me. (I think my name was Lolita.)

Our family owned this little grocery store and there was a celebration going on. By the door, on a table were all these pies and cakes. I was going up and down the aisles looking for something to put in the Easter basket – it seemed – only it felt like I was trying to find things to stuff in a Christmas stocking.

I found an aisle where the Christmas stockings were already stuffed, but I was wanting to make one of my own so I continued searching all the aisles for things to put in my Easter basket. My son was following me, and each time I went down a new aisle, it seemed I was getting drunk on the festivities. I remember once feeling a little crazy (like I do now sometimes.) I even remember dancing past my mama as she was walking beside my son. I heard him ask her if I was crazy.

I remember, with tenderness in her voice, she sang a poem over me. She said, ” Lolita’s not crazy. No, Lolita dances with the wind!” I don’t remember the rest of the words to the poem she sang over me. I only remember feeling as if I knew her great affection for me and I knew that she believed in me.

When I rounded the next corner, I was offered a piece of cake. (Naturally I took a piece of the chocolate.) I ate a small piece and continued on my way.

By now my mama was in front of me so I danced up to her, embraced her – I was feeling extremely drunk by now – and asked her a question (seemed like how she knew I wasn’t crazy?) She looked me straight in the eye and exclaimed, “Why Lolita! Because you danced with me!”

For some reason, this embarrassed me. All I could think of was in my drunkenness I had made a fool of both myself and of my mama. When I looked up from my embarrassment, everyone was gone. The party was over. The cakes were gone but the pies and punch were there, so I collected them and took them to the fridge.

I put them in the fridge. In the fridge were the 4 gallons of milk I buy every week in this life for my children. Something about seeing my present and my past all at the same moment sent me spiraling back into my body and I awoke.”

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