a new world

It was different, this journey on the other side of the astral boys, lion love and the cougar.  It had become complicated, having them both in her life, watching their reaction upon meeting each other on the astral plane had made her realize how comfortable she had become bouncing between the 2 of them.

Truth was, neither one of them had a long-term destination with her.  Looking back after she made her decision to create the story as only 2 (or 3) ships passing in the night she could see that they were, like portals that one passes through to get to another world..  And this world that she was now in the journey was different and she did not even know where would lead.

There was a song, Hotel California.  The passageway through the 2 astral boys was kind of like that, kept her sucked in, leave one and a portal would open to the other, looping again and again until she realized that she was in a pattern of looping between them.

Once she decided that she was going to leave them both for good she had to move forward with steady determination.  The lion, she did not miss so much.  He was only in her life for a year and a half and spent the whole time coming close and then running away..  but the cougar, she did miss.  They had 8 years of phone chat that she enjoyed, but as it was with every life they shared she always left him because she found him intolerable..   He was in her life when she lived in the Castle.  He wanted her then too, kidnapped her and held her prisoner in his dungeon, offered her what he could of his life even as he held her prisoner.  But she managed to escape..

In the Mohawk life, he wanted to own the love that she could not return so he did the unspeakable, sold their daughter then brought her bloodied clothes and said she had died.  When she did not give him the love that she gave her daughter he had spit in her face and screamed in front of everyone that it was her fault their daughter had died..  So she left him..

In another life they were childhood friends who she would let him have his way with her from time to time.  To her it did not really feel like they were connected a way of love even though they ran around together all the time.  One day another Tribe came to visit and in time one of the boys she was sweet on and talking to asked her for the friendship dance.  This had a strange effect on her lifelong friend, a jealousy arose and he told the prince that he and her were intimate.  After that it got strained between them because he was always sneaking around watching her and when the prince would show up her lifelong friend would make certain he told her he knew that the prince was coming around again.  Then she knew that she was going to leave them both because her life long friend was never going to allow her to be intimately involved with anyone without making his presence known.. as if it was his right to lay claim to her..  He had ruined their friendship by the way he responded.  He had never even acted like they would be mated but ran with many like a horse with his harem.  The intimate moment that they shared was only like that.  He danced around all the girls like he danced around her,  so when he grew interested in someone else and he let them know he had been with her.. well she knew she would never touch Love the way she wanted to touch love with a man, so she left the Tribe and headed for a new world where she would no longer carry the mark as one mare in a mans harem.

And that was where she was now, leaving them both headed out for a new world.  She was pretty sure she had passed the final test that would allow her to leave.  A portal had opened and the lion had appeared.  In the past this would have been her Q to say hello.. and he would have said, “I was just thinking of you” .. but this time she did not say “hello, how are you..”  she just kept her eyes in the direction of heading out to a new world..

It made a strange feeling inside her body feeling the distance come between them not knowing a future in which she was not linked as part of a harem, but opening herself now to the possibility of some love… one on one

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