Archive for February, 2012

Beautiful You
February 29, 2012

Beautiful you,

so softly you float above me. 

For over 2 weeks I have watched,

with admiration,

your movements across my sky,

whispering soft words,

showing me your village,

your people who walk around inside of you. 

You show me that you carry your family with you

as you drift across the blue,

and I see the others who have come to join you.

I am mesmerized by your beauty,

your touch on my world,

by the way the golden light shines through you.

And I love the way you make the blue melt into you. 

I love the way you make

the white look so pretty

while you show me the magnitude of your depth.

 Beautiful you,

enchanting me on my drive home from work,

so dark the night,

but still I saw your light,

your moving swirls of dance around me. 

If I could have I would have stayed there

all night embracing your beauty,

Days slipping by,

I photographed you,

enchanted by your revealings’

taking pictures of you.


your movement through my sky. 

Whisps of love embracing my tender side,

looking out to see you looking back.

I see you,

glide, glide in, glide over,

massive body you,

who carries your family with you.

Gentle soft sway,

you tickle my sense with your quiet motions. 

No word spoken,

I wait for you to speak,

but so softly you sail over. 

And still there is more

to this song you are singing

while my world dances for you.

So many day passing

as I stand watching you,

thinking how large the family

you carry within your body,

all the while I am snapping pictures of you.

Then rings the phone

to hear on other end,

grand-daughter exclaiming with excitement,

“Grammy the rain has come in!”

250 miles away,

she is telling me what you are doing..

and suddenly

in that moment

I knew what it felt like

to carry your family with you. 

We touched each other through you.

My excitement grew

to know you would be coming with a great wind,

to know that you would break your silence

and speak to me. 

I threw open the blinds

 to watch your dance,

threw open the door

to listen to the song of the wind blowing with you,

threw myself into bed to dream with you,

to tell you how much

I enjoyed this walk with you..  

2 week journey walking with you. 

I found you so lovely,

O Beautiful You.







The Do Over
February 14, 2012

I always liked my hair and for most of my life I kept it short.  My journey was one that was guided from within.  There were all these Indians that were walking with me, who I later came to realize were my Ancestors.  They guided me back to them and once they told me that I was Indian and they had come to reclaim me, they waited just a bit and then said, “Why don’t you grow your hair back out?”

So I said, “Ok” and began letting my hair grow.  I loved it.  One of the things I loved the most was watching it blow in the wind.  It was so pretty and so thick that I had to shave the bottom back half of it off because it was giving me headaches from the weight.

Then I got sick.  My thyroid quit functioning.  My hair started falling out by heaps.  Before it was over I lost 3/4 of the thickness and was down to a pencil size pony tail.  It changed the whole texture of my hair.  It became all matted and knotted and lifeless.  When the wind would blow all it would do was blow up in clumps, no more individual strands.  and it got so thin that I began growing the lower half back out..  that was awful because by the time the lower half was 4 inches long.. and with the long hair on top of that, it created a dreadful look..  so I decided I needed a do over.

So I cut my hair off…  I did not realize my Ancestors would come and grieve the loss of my hair..  but I am a warrior.. and I would not be a good warrior if lived my life with regrets..  So I would not walk a path of regretting this  Do Over.  Rather I would choose what I can gain from it.

I have been feeding my hair since last summer and have found some Chinese herbal medicine to turn back the gray and lack of color.  It is called  He Shou Wu  ..  

I also do not believe that I should give all my power to the Dr.  She says I will have to take this medicine for the rest of my life.  I researched why the thyroid goes out and one of the things I read was that it is believed that once the human body achieves a certain level of toxicity various organs react poorly.  So I was telling a friend that I needed to detox and he suggested that I use the feet detox method.  It is called Foot Detox Pads..   and as  Warrior I look forward to the day  my doctor says I do not have to take this pill anymore…


the Jingle Bracelet
February 10, 2012

I was dreaming there were some plants that I found dead, but 2 of them had survived without water for a long time.  Thought I should put them in a new pot and water them so I went down into the basement and was rummaging around looking for a little larger pot as they were in 3 inch pots.  My youngest son showed up and he was going through some of his things.  He got out this container and opened it.  It had jewelry that was for sale inside.  One of the items looked like a bangle bracelet that had some interconnecting hearts going all the way around it…  when I picked it up it made the prettiest sound..  like leaves, that sound like chimes blowing in the wind, or when they are blowing across the street..  I knew I had to have it and asked him how much he would sale it to me for (the price tag on it said $16.25.)  He said he would sell it to me for $12.50.

Long Haired Indians
February 6, 2012

I feel a need to write out my journey back to long hair.  There is some my dad remembers about being an Indian when he was growing up.  He remembers the prejudice, seeing signs that said, “no Injuns allowed.”

He was raised in a somewhat traditional manner.  His father was a medicine man, had the knowledge of the plant life, what to use for healing.  He remembers that whenever anyone showed up needing medicine being instructed to go out into the forest and gather the medicine.

He remembers the day he grandmother told him, “No longer will we tell people we are Indians”  He took it to heart.  Eventually he left the Missouri / Arkansas / Oklahoma region and moved to Kansas City to make a life with his new wife.  He said he wanted the white mans pill, he wanted the easy path.

When I came along we were raised as non Indians.  There was nothing in our lives to indicate we were indian..  Our grandparents were Indian..

The first time I saw through time was 4th grade.  I was reading the History book when I came across the words that said the Indigenous people who were living on this continent had been to be relocated.  In that moment I found myself as a cloud above the Earth looking down to see a long trail of  Indians being forced to walk a long walk in their relocation.  There was weeping, there were tears and what I saw was that in the place where they fell was the place where they stayed.

After that the Indians that I saw that day walked with me.  There were other changes.  I would see white people while at the same time I would see them dressed in full regalia.  I could not understand why the Indians were walking with me, why this was happening, and when I would ask, I would only be told that I was a great warrior.

There was this beautiful Indian woman who appeared when I was 12.  She instructed me that I was to become one with the Laws of Nature.   She told me that the Laws of the Father were written upon the Earths body, that I was not to seek humans to tell me how to walk, but I was to seek my council from the Great Mother, through the laws of nature I was to be instructed how to interpret this world.  (there is no prejudice written on the Earths body, etc)

The road ahead of me was painful…  I watched as my innocence was stolen from me… and then I watched as the Church attempted an exorcism on me.  During the exorcism there were these spirit men there in dingy white robes.  They tried to reach inside of me and steal the Indian out of me.  The people were trying to hold me down so they could do it, but I was fighting them so hard.. and then just as they got the opening made for the spirit man to steal my Indian, she appeared, grabbed my hand, and said, “Come on.”  Then we just disappeared into another dimension. (I was told to them it looked like I passed out.)

Still there was no knowledge that I was Indian.  I just thought I had an Indian guiding me, and Indians walking beside me..  and the Earth was my great comfort.  She was the one I turned to in times of pain, in times of question.  And when I asked her questions, she would send animals upon my path for an answer.

The path I walked was not the easy path.  It was designed to bring out my inner strength.  I cried a lot over what I saw, the injustices being inflicted upon the innocent people of this world.  I was ‘the weeping warrior’ to which they would respond that there was great power in my tears..

The Earth she would try to guide me, but I would be stubborn.  She would say, ‘turn right here’  and I would say ‘I don’t want to’ and continue on.  I could not figure out why she was testing me in that way.  She would say,  “I am trying to teach you to follow instructions”

I refused for a long time but in the end, in the year 2000 I surrendered to her, to following her instructions and doing as she asked.  As soon as I surrendered she sent her animals to guide me..  feathers.. the crow … the swan .. eagles .. turkey..  The path I was being lead down was a definite path straight into the heart of Indian Nation…  but still I did not remember that I was Indian..

It was 2004 when a test came my way.  I was told to forget everything I thought I knew and fly free with only Great Spirit to guide me.  I was told there was something I had to let go of, so with a trembling heart I just let go.  I just let go, and when I let go, then came my Harvest Moon.  The word sanctification means, ‘to be made productive’  And that is what happened with my Harvest Moon.

That night the drums began beating, calling me out into the night.  It was there I witnessed my Ancestors dancing in the clouds to the beat of the drum.  And afterwards they came and told me that I was Indian, and that they had come to reclaim me.

It was a few years after that they whispered in my ear, “Why don’t you let your hair grow back now?”

So I did..

Next ~ the cutting of the sacred hair, see here: